Death & Grief

I have been thinking about a moment from yesterday I’m not proud of. Not pretty. Not spiritual. Not evolved. Just human, messy, reactive. Angry. Jealous. Vindictive. I honestly scared myself. I’m exhausted. Today I felt the old scripts lining up—over-apologize, shrink, fawn, disappear, punish myself for it. Numb it out. Call it proof that I’m damaged beyond repair. Not today. Today I’m going down the more difficult path. I’m looking directly at what I did without flinching—and without turning it into a shame spiral. I’m taking responsibility without abandoning myself in the process. I’m making promises I actually intend to keep. Quiet ones. Real ones. No performance. No self-flagellation. Just boundaries—with myself. Accountability—with teeth. I don’t need to stay the version of me that made that choice. I don’t need to drag her into tomorrow like dead weight. “You're under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago.” — Alan Watts I can learn. Adjust. Move different. Five minutes ago me did what she knew. This version of me knows more. And I’m going to act like it.

Parts work changed how I see myself. Instead of “what’s wrong with me?” I ask… “which part of me is here right now?” Because trauma doesn’t create one self. It creates many. For me: Chicken Little — my inner child. Imaginative, curious… but anxious, always bracing for something to go wrong. The Protector Fox — instinctual, sharp, guarded. Shows up as perfectionism, avoidance, escape. I’m learning to tame her with gentle, assertive energy. The Screaming Woman — chaos. Raw pain with nowhere to go. She comes out when things feel too quiet… like peace isn’t safe. She doesn’t want to destroy me—she wants to be heard. Wavy Purple — born in grief. After the fire, after losing my sister, I painted my pain… and something shifted. She’s my creative, wise, scarred self. The Purple Phoenix — what rose from the ashes. Stronger. Clearer. Now helping others rise too. This is parts work. Not fixing yourself. Integrating. Listening instead of suppressing. Understanding instead of judging. When you do this, you stop fighting yourself… and start becoming whole. If you want to begin: • What part is here right now? • What does it feel in my body? • What is it protecting me from? • What does it need? You don’t have to do this alone. Join us for The Parts Work Support Circle 🔥🕊️ Zoom link: https://us06web.zoom.us/j/81390409813

Leaving this here for my fellow AuDHD’ers 💜💜

You didn’t “lose your mind.” Your mind did exactly what it needed to do to survive. It split things off. It numbed what was unbearable. It created patterns to keep you safe. The problem is— those same patterns can keep you stuck later. So now you’re here. Not broken. Not starting from scratch. But learning how to update a system that was built in chaos. That’s deep work. And you don’t have to do it alone. 🔥 The Purple Phoenix Collective

Sometimes it feels like I was raised more to make others proud than to just be myself. Like my worth depends on how well I perform or what I achieve. And when I’m not doing something “impressive,” I feel invisible. I don’t always want to be the strong, perfect one.I just want to be seen as a person, not something to show off. I'm just done being a trophy child noww

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Sending this to everyone who is going through a rough patch 🙏❤️

I’m offering 1:1 trauma-informed coaching through The Purple Phoenix Collective 💜 This isn’t about fixing you. It’s about helping you come back to yourself. My work focuses on reclaiming your narrative through creativity, metaphor, and symbolism—because not everything can be processed through logic alone. Sometimes we need poetry, imagery, and meaning to access what’s deeper. We might explore: ☯️ Shadow work + parts of you that have been pushed down ⭐ Writing, symbolism, and personal mythology 🌿 Rituals, nature, and grounding practices 🧘 Somatic work + nervous system regulation This is spiritual, but not dogmatic—deeply influenced by Taoism, Buddhism, mindfulness, and lived experience. I’m not a guru. I’m a survivor. I live with C-PTSD and bipolar 1 disorder. I’ve experienced profound trauma, loss, and rebuilding from nothing. That’s my main credential—I understand this from the inside. This is a collaborative space. You are the expert of your own experience. If you’re feeling disconnected, stuck in survival mode, or craving something deeper, this work might resonate. You can also explore workshops + support circles through The Purple Phoenix Collective. Email me if you feel called 💜 Kristina Pingston p2collective@protonmail.com

SHIFT YOUR STATE (fast): THE TIP SKILL 🔥💧 When your nervous system is overwhelmed—whether you’re anxious and spiraling or shut down and frozen—your thinking brain won’t get you out. You have to work with your body first. In Dialectical Behavior Therapy, the TIP skill is designed to quickly reset your nervous system. T = Temperature (cold exposure) → Splash cold water on your face or hold an ice pack to your cheeks/eyes → Triggers a reflex that slows your heart rate → Best for: panic, intense anxiety, emotional overwhelm I = Intense exercise (short burst) → 30–60 seconds: jumping jacks, sprinting in place, push-ups → Burns off stress hormones and activates your system → Best for: anxiety or coming out of freeze P = Paced breathing → Inhale 4 seconds, exhale 6–8 seconds → Longer exhales signal safety to your body → Best for: calming anxiety and grounding (Bonus P = Paired muscle relaxation) → Tense + release muscle groups slowly → Helps you reconnect to your body if you feel numb or disconnected FOR ANXIETY (too activated): Cold + slow breathing → bring it down FOR SHUTDOWN (numb/frozen): Movement + muscle activation → bring it up These are biological switches you can use to shift your state in minutes. You don’t have to wait to feel better to act. Sometimes acting is what changes how you feel. 🟣 The Purple Phoenix Collective

I'm tired I just wanna end it all what should I do

I am slowly healing and expanding my window of tolerance. ☯️

I am enough exactly as I am.

I feel really jealous seeing people with their friends, laughing and talking about absolutely random things . I never had friends . It's not like I didn't try making but I don't know what is it with me that nobody wants to be my friend .

My poem from the workshop: I am a shining star and no one can take the light from my eyes. When my star collapsed into a supernova, I became Wavy Purple. My black hole is the abyss that opens when things get quiet. I attach, I cling, I pull you in like gravity but I am finding more secure attachment now. I have electromagnetism in my boundaries and I attract my desired life. I am a sprawling galaxy, healing day by day and transmuting pain into beauty.

Understanding Shutdown (Dorsal Vagal State) Sometimes it’s not anxiety. Sometimes it’s the opposite. It’s the heaviness. The numbness. The “I can’t move” feeling. That’s the dorsal vagal state—your nervous system shutting things down when everything feels too overwhelming or inescapable. This is a survival response. When you’re in it: • Low energy • Brain fog • Disconnection / dissociation • Slowed breathing • Feeling stuck or frozen Your body is basically saying: “We can’t fight. We can’t run. We’re going offline.” When this becomes chronic, it can look like depression, isolation, and loss of motivation. How to gently come out of shutdown You don’t think your way out—you move your body. Try: • Wiggle fingers/toes, small movements • Slow breath (longer exhales) • Cold water or fresh air • Look around and name what you see (orienting) • Wrap in a blanket or hug yourself • Do one tiny task The goal isn’t to feel amazing. It’s to go from frozen → a little activated → safe enough. Shutdown is common with trauma, especially CPTSD. It makes sense your system learned this. You’re not “lazy.” Your nervous system is trying to protect you. And it can learn something new. 🕊️ The Purple Phoenix Collective

Lately, I’ve been avoiding everyone because I feel like a burden. Anyone else deal with this? 🤷‍♂️

What’s the most interesting experience you’ve had as a medium, intuitive or channeler?