Death & Grief

I have been thinking about a moment from yesterday I’m not proud of. Not pretty. Not spiritual. Not evolved. Just human, messy, reactive. Angry. Jealous. Vindictive. I honestly scared myself. I’m exhausted. Today I felt the old scripts lining up—over-apologize, shrink, fawn, disappear, punish myself for it. Numb it out. Call it proof that I’m damaged beyond repair. Not today. Today I’m going down the more difficult path. I’m looking directly at what I did without flinching—and without turning it into a shame spiral. I’m taking responsibility without abandoning myself in the process. I’m making promises I actually intend to keep. Quiet ones. Real ones. No performance. No self-flagellation. Just boundaries—with myself. Accountability—with teeth. I don’t need to stay the version of me that made that choice. I don’t need to drag her into tomorrow like dead weight. “You're under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago.” — Alan Watts I can learn. Adjust. Move different. Five minutes ago me did what she knew. This version of me knows more. And I’m going to act like it.

Parts work changed how I see myself. Instead of “what’s wrong with me?” I ask… “which part of me is here right now?” Because trauma doesn’t create one self. It creates many. For me: Chicken Little — my inner child. Imaginative, curious… but anxious, always bracing for something to go wrong. The Protector Fox — instinctual, sharp, guarded. Shows up as perfectionism, avoidance, escape. I’m learning to tame her with gentle, assertive energy. The Screaming Woman — chaos. Raw pain with nowhere to go. She comes out when things feel too quiet… like peace isn’t safe. She doesn’t want to destroy me—she wants to be heard. Wavy Purple — born in grief. After the fire, after losing my sister, I painted my pain… and something shifted. She’s my creative, wise, scarred self. The Purple Phoenix — what rose from the ashes. Stronger. Clearer. Now helping others rise too. This is parts work. Not fixing yourself. Integrating. Listening instead of suppressing. Understanding instead of judging. When you do this, you stop fighting yourself… and start becoming whole. If you want to begin: • What part is here right now? • What does it feel in my body? • What is it protecting me from? • What does it need? You don’t have to do this alone. Join us for The Parts Work Support Circle 🔥🕊️ Zoom link: https://us06web.zoom.us/j/81390409813

Leaving this here for my fellow AuDHD’ers 💜💜

You didn’t “lose your mind.” Your mind did exactly what it needed to do to survive. It split things off. It numbed what was unbearable. It created patterns to keep you safe. The problem is— those same patterns can keep you stuck later. So now you’re here. Not broken. Not starting from scratch. But learning how to update a system that was built in chaos. That’s deep work. And you don’t have to do it alone. 🔥 The Purple Phoenix Collective

Sometimes it feels like I was raised more to make others proud than to just be myself. Like my worth depends on how well I perform or what I achieve. And when I’m not doing something “impressive,” I feel invisible. I don’t always want to be the strong, perfect one.I just want to be seen as a person, not something to show off. I'm just done being a trophy child noww

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Sending this to everyone who is going through a rough patch 🙏❤️

I lost my mind—and it changed everything. I don’t mean that metaphorically. I mean my reality fractured. The rules dissolved. What I thought was solid… wasn’t. It was terrifying, disorienting, unreal. But here’s the part no one talks about: When the mind breaks, the body is still there. Breath is still there. Sensation is still there. And in that chaos, I found something real. Not the stories. Not the interpretations. Just the raw, immediate experience of being alive. That experience reshaped me. I don’t trust every thought anymore—and honestly, that’s a relief. I don’t need to analyze everything to death. I don’t need reality to make perfect sense to exist inside it. “Lose your mind and come to your senses.” — Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī Sometimes breaking is what brings you back.

I’m offering 1:1 trauma-informed coaching through The Purple Phoenix Collective 💜 This isn’t about fixing you. It’s about helping you come back to yourself. My work focuses on reclaiming your narrative through creativity, metaphor, and symbolism—because not everything can be processed through logic alone. Sometimes we need poetry, imagery, and meaning to access what’s deeper. We might explore: ☯️ Shadow work + parts of you that have been pushed down ⭐ Writing, symbolism, and personal mythology 🌿 Rituals, nature, and grounding practices 🧘 Somatic work + nervous system regulation This is spiritual, but not dogmatic—deeply influenced by Taoism, Buddhism, mindfulness, and lived experience. I’m not a guru. I’m a survivor. I live with C-PTSD and bipolar 1 disorder. I’ve experienced profound trauma, loss, and rebuilding from nothing. That’s my main credential—I understand this from the inside. This is a collaborative space. You are the expert of your own experience. If you’re feeling disconnected, stuck in survival mode, or craving something deeper, this work might resonate. You can also explore workshops + support circles through The Purple Phoenix Collective. Email me if you feel called 💜 Kristina Pingston p2collective@protonmail.com

I'm tired I just wanna end it all what should I do

Parts Work: Learning to Lead Your Inner World I don’t experience myself as one consistent “self.” I experience parts. And honestly, that realization changed everything. In approaches like Internal Family Systems, the mind is seen as a system: • wounded parts that carry pain • protective parts that try to prevent it • reactive parts that step in when it gets overwhelming None of them are random. They all have a job. 🐥 Chicken Little → expects everything to fall apart 🦊 Protector Fox → scans, guards, keeps distance 🌌 Observer → detaches when it’s too much 🔥 Screaming Woman → pure overwhelm when it breaks through 🌊 Wavy Purple → the part of me that can hold it all Healing isn’t about getting rid of these parts. It’s about integration: • noticing who’s activated • getting curious instead of reactive • separating past fear from present reality • building trust inside yourself When parts feel heard, they soften. When they soften, you don’t have to live in constant reaction. You start responding. You start leading. Not a perfect, peaceful self… but a grounded one that can hold complexity. ☯️ The Purple Phoenix Collective

Limiting Beliefs in C-PTSD A lot of “limiting beliefs” aren’t random. They’re survival strategies that never got updated. They once kept you safe, quiet, or connected. Now they keep you stuck. ⸻ 🧠 Common beliefs + how to work with them: “I’m too much.” → You were shamed for having needs Try: Say one honest thing instead of shrinking Affirmation: “I’m allowed to take up space.” ⸻ “I’m not enough.” → Love felt conditional Try: Write 3 things you did each day Affirmation: “I don’t have to earn my worth.” ⸻ “People will leave.” → Attachment felt unsafe or inconsistent Try: Look at actual evidence, not fear Affirmation: “I can be myself and still be chosen.” ⸻ “I have to do it alone.” → Support wasn’t safe Try: Ask for something small Affirmation: “It’s safe to let people show up.” ⸻ “Mistakes aren’t safe.” → Mistakes led to punishment Try: Make a small “safe” mistake and observe Affirmation: “I’m allowed to be human.” ⸻ You don’t erase these beliefs. You update them through new experiences. ⸻ Reflection: Which belief still feels true in your body, even if your mind knows better?

I feel really jealous seeing people with their friends, laughing and talking about absolutely random things . I never had friends . It's not like I didn't try making but I don't know what is it with me that nobody wants to be my friend .

My poem from the workshop: I am a shining star and no one can take the light from my eyes. When my star collapsed into a supernova, I became Wavy Purple. My black hole is the abyss that opens when things get quiet. I attach, I cling, I pull you in like gravity but I am finding more secure attachment now. I have electromagnetism in my boundaries and I attract my desired life. I am a sprawling galaxy, healing day by day and transmuting pain into beauty.

Understanding Shutdown (Dorsal Vagal State) Sometimes it’s not anxiety. Sometimes it’s the opposite. It’s the heaviness. The numbness. The “I can’t move” feeling. That’s the dorsal vagal state—your nervous system shutting things down when everything feels too overwhelming or inescapable. This is a survival response. When you’re in it: • Low energy • Brain fog • Disconnection / dissociation • Slowed breathing • Feeling stuck or frozen Your body is basically saying: “We can’t fight. We can’t run. We’re going offline.” When this becomes chronic, it can look like depression, isolation, and loss of motivation. How to gently come out of shutdown You don’t think your way out—you move your body. Try: • Wiggle fingers/toes, small movements • Slow breath (longer exhales) • Cold water or fresh air • Look around and name what you see (orienting) • Wrap in a blanket or hug yourself • Do one tiny task The goal isn’t to feel amazing. It’s to go from frozen → a little activated → safe enough. Shutdown is common with trauma, especially CPTSD. It makes sense your system learned this. You’re not “lazy.” Your nervous system is trying to protect you. And it can learn something new. 🕊️ The Purple Phoenix Collective

Lately, I’ve been avoiding everyone because I feel like a burden. Anyone else deal with this? 🤷‍♂️

What’s the most interesting experience you’ve had as a medium, intuitive or channeler?