God wants you to stop being so hard on yourself. You've been through a lot and it doesn't serve anyone to continue punishing yourself with guilt and self-criticism. It's safe to let that go now and shift into a new possibility of grace. We're all doing the best we can given our state of consciousness and every challenge is divinely designed to serve the healing and evolution of every soul involved. There's deeper purpose to it all, so connect with your inherent innocence and see yourself through the eyes of God as best you can. Maybe then the great healers of unconditional love and compassion will dissolve the tension and fill your heart with peace. You deserve that. We all do.