I don't really want to talk about it but these days I am getting a lot if negative thoughts like suicide and stuff sometimes the urge just gets overwhelming and I hurt myself look I am not every proud of it I tried contacting helplines but it feels like... AI like they are obligated to listen to me not like my friend or someone who will stop me from doing the things I do I am not even that old I am in middle school well I read in the 7th grade and everyone thinks that I am too young to have thoughts like that and they think I am joking I really hate myself for telling them that when I knew they wouldn't help and when they laughed it just got more bad We used to cry in our parents lap when we felt sad but I guess that lap has now become a bathroom or a pillow at night when I cry quietly and cry myself to sleep I don't know why but sometimes the tears come against my will I try to stop them but it doesn't work it happens against my will that's when I hurt myself Look I am not telling anyone to reply or listen to my bullshit
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