Sex after trauma is complicated, and it can show up in very different ways. Some women shut down—your body says no before your mind catches up, and touch can feel overwhelming or disconnected. Others become hypersexual, chasing intensity or trying to reclaim control. Sometimes that feels empowering, sometimes it’s avoidance. Both are real. Neither means you’re broken—it’s your nervous system trying to protect you. Healing isn’t about forcing yourself into or out of sex. It’s about rebuilding safety in your body. If you have a partner, go slower than you think you need to. Take penetration off the table sometimes and focus on low-pressure touch—warmth, skin, breath—without expectation. Talk normally: say what feels good, ask to pause, change your mind anytime. Stay present in your body. Notice your breath, the feeling of touch, or put a hand on your chest to ground yourself and remind your body you’re safe now. You also get to control the environment—lighting, music, eye contact. Sometimes progress looks like stopping and just holding each other. That counts. You deserve sex that feels safe, not something you push through. If you’re not there yet, you’re not failing—you’re learning how to come back to yourself. — The Purple Phoenix Collective