There are conversations I rehearse in my head with people I'll never speak to again. Sometimes I find myself asking questions; why did you come so close if all you wanted was to leave anyway? How could someone be so sure of what they wanted and wake up one day and decide they don't want it anymore? I have conversations with you in my head. I find myself wondering how you are. I try so hard not to think if you are happy without me, if leaving what we had brought you any peace. Do you even remember your own feelings? Do you even know who you are? I am told to heal a wound you must stop touching it, so here I am. Trying my hardest not to think much of you. Yet I find myself thinking was it ever real? In my dreams you ask me deeper questions, you choose to love me before and after knowing who I am. In my dreams you are everything I hoped you would be. In my dreams you return with all the versions of you I tried to understand, and I don't have to rearrange myself to make your leaving make sense, and even then, you are still just out of reach. Then I wake up making peace with a love that only ever made sense inside my own head.