i never really handled it well. if only you knew how heavy it felt, how hard it was to carry everything on my own. i kept trying to stay okay, hoping the pain would go away, but it never did. i held it all inside because i didn't want to bother anyone or feel like a burden. i thought that made me strong, but it didn't. it just made everything heavier. because the truth is, i needed someone too. someone who could see me without me saying a word. someone to remind me i didn't have to go through it all alone. if only you knew how much i wished for that.