I used to have a really disorganized (fearful-avoidant) attachment style, and it showed up in ways I didn’t fully understand. I would swing between extremes—feeling clingy, anxious, scared of being abandoned… and then going cold, shutting down, pulling away. Almost like I needed my partner to chase me just to feel safe again. It wasn’t manipulation. It was my nervous system trying to solve something it learned early on. When love doesn’t feel safe growing up, you learn to crave connection and fear it at the same time. That push-pull dynamic makes sense in that context. What’s been helping me shift it isn’t some big breakthrough—it’s small, grounded things: Being in a relationship that is actually safe—and letting that reality sink in Reminding myself: he said he’s not leaving, and I don’t have evidence that he is Catching myself when I start creating stories that aren’t based in the present Staying instead of pulling away when things feel vulnerable Building a life outside the relationship—my own interests, purpose, identity And learning to tolerate the discomfort of not reacting the way I used to. Some other things helping me move toward secure attachment: • Communicating instead of withdrawing • Asking for reassurance directly • Not abandoning myself to keep someone else • Letting consistency feel normal • Regulating my body when I’m triggered I still feel the pull sometimes. But there’s more space now. And that space is changing everything.