I am the seeker but not in some enlightened way. More like… I can’t sit with myself for too long without needing something to change. I am always reaching for something outside of me to fix the feeling. A person, a new idea, a breakthrough, a different version of myself. And yeah, sometimes substances too. Just being honest. You can spend years “healing” and still be running. What I’m starting to see is that I am not actually searching for answers. I am trying to get away from myself. And that doesn’t work. It just stretches the distance. Now I’m in this weird place where the only option left is to stop reaching and actually be here. In my body. In my mind. Without trying to escape it or upgrade it immediately. I don’t have some clean resolution. I get the urge to look outside myself all the time. But I’m starting to realize I never actually lost the thing I’ve been looking for. I think I’ve held it inside me all along.