They ask, "Why do you always push people away?" and I smile. Because it's easier than explaining the truth, I do want to be loved, softly, fully, without fear, but when someone gets close, it feels like standing too close to fire. Warm, yes, but dangerous. So I step back before I get burned. I tell myself to be careful, but really, it's fear. Fear of being seen too clearly, of being too much or not enough, of someone finally understanding me and deciding they don't want to stay. So I create distance, wrap myselt in silence, and pretend I'm fine. They see avoidance; I feel terror. They think I don't care; I just don't know how to trust that someone might stay.