You’re right Olivia, it’s not easy at all! A mantra I use is “feel the fear & do it anyway”, or that “the universe rewards courage”. Further, sometimes even while we have fear, the temptation to try & get closer exists simultaneously, resulting us in taking baby steps. As someone with trauma, I am kind of used to having this push & pull within myself. It is frustrating and confusing, but alas, it is what it is.