You're doing great, but listen...you're putting way too much pressure on yourself. It bogs you down more than it inspires you. It's okay to motivate yourself. In fact, that's encouraged, but you have an entire track record of your past that you're trying to reconcile, as well as focusing on your continued present growth, and you're doing it all. But you can't seem to find satisfaction until it all comes full circle but the fact is that it will. You have to find fulfillment in the path of effort you're putting in. You have to be grateful that you're working it all out.