i'd rather relive the most unpleasant experiences in my life if it meant meeting you again. i would still make the same mistakes, take the same risks. choose the same uncertainties, the same indecisiveness, the opportunities i took, and the ones i wasn't brave enough to take. i would walk through all of it again if i had known it would lead me to you. but i know you would've also loved the version of me that isnt broken. someone who grew up healthy. someone who's secure, who doesn't need to keep you awake all night just to be with me through my breakdowns. you would've loved the me that doesn't come with so much emotional exhaustion. you would've loved the version of me who knows what to say, someone who doesn't overthink every feeling, who doesn't question whether love is safe or her own doom. i think about the version of me that could've loved you better, the me that didn't carry so much pain, and maybe the me that could've made you happier. selfish as it may be, i would rather go through the same sadness again than risk a future where you aren't there.