I've spent my entire life losing people, and I've reached a point where I wonder whether I'll feel like myself again. I don't know how to explain it all. The hole between the pieces of my heart. The jitteriness in my stomach when I remember that I can never go back to some of the most incredible moments of my life. The emptiness. The silence. The relationships that have left a hole inside my soul but filled my mind with so many memories that I don't know what to do with them. That I don't know how to make sense of it all. Isn't it weird? You can have the most amazing moments ever without knowing it, without being aware that this time will go down in history as your happiest. But when it passes you by like particles of sand slipping through your fingers— you're left with a pining ache at the pit of your heart for a time long gone. Because that is how it feels-losing people. Losing experiences and moments. Losing time. Because once those people are gone, those moments feel like a dream that you won't have the chance to visit again. And it is so hard. It is so damn hard telling yourself that everything happened for the best-because now you're sitting on the side-line, watching the movie of your life play before you and wondering whether you will ever get to re-live the best parts again. Wondering whether you will ever experience those incredible joys with the people you love and know-in that moment-that this is the best time of your life.